


Three Times Maggie Let Alex Walk Away & The One Time she Didn't

by ashleighjane



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:22:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9533609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleighjane/pseuds/ashleighjane
Summary: Maggie Sawyer always lets people walk away. It's for the best. Why try to keep people around when they want to leave? She's not worth sticking around for anyway; but she's learning, that sometimes - just sometimes - if you really want something, that you can't just stand idly by and watch it walk away. And, God damn it, she is worth it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I just really wanted to write a ## times when and the one time when... thing. I'm gonna split it into 4 'chapters'. Tbh a lot of it is gonna be direct from the show, cos I kinda love taking the actual scripts of things and turning them into writing.
> 
> Also I just really wanted to write something in Maggie's POV because I always write in Alex's, and Maggie deserves attention too :)

“We're analyzing thermal residue to look for any electromagnetic component to these weapons, so that we can create a countermeasure.”

Maggie, not understanding a word that Alex had said, scoffed. “Nerd.” She didn’t use the word derisively. In fact it was said almost admiringly. She liked that Alex was smart as well as a fighter. The cops she worked with were usually either smart or strong; rarely both. She turned away from Alex, to sign paperwork that she didn’t even bother to read. Maggie despised paperwork. She saw it’s necessity, but ultimately it was a huge waste of her time when she could be out on the streets, actually doing something.

“How are you feeling? Any better?”

“Now I just feel like I got kicked in the gut instead of the face.” Maggie didn’t look at Alex as she answered. There was little inflection in her tone. Truthfully, Maggie was feeling much better, but she didn’t want to tell Alex that. She was enjoying the concern that Alex was showing. It was a rare occurrence for anyone to care about how she was feeling.

“Well, after you file your report, do you want to go do something? There's a great pinball bar that I know Or that Food Channel guy's new tapas place opened.”

Maggie kept walking, grabbing up more paperwork as she went. She didn’t look at Alex, at least not for long. A quick glance now and again. She knew that if she looked at the agent for too long she would say yes. She would say yes to those things, that a few days ago she would have been doing with her girlfriend. She knew she couldn’t do that though. Falling for anyone, let alone a straight girl, was not on her agenda.

“I don't really feel like I'm up to it.” She looked away, not looking at anything in particular; just anything but Alex Danvers. She shook her head slightly. She had wanted so badly to say yes, but she knew their relationship had to stay professional. She knew that becoming friends with someone she already had a crush on wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to her or Alex.

“Come on, you should come out. We'll go and have fun, and celebrate singledom.” Alex sounded like she was clutching at straws, trying to find any reason for Maggie to want to go anywhere with her.

Maggie shot Alex a look. _Go and have fun_? Maggie wondered for a second if she had gotten it wrong, if maybe Alex was gay after all, then reminded herself that she had done this before. She had fallen for a straight girl right around the time she realised she was gay, and it hadn’t ended well for either of them. “I don't really feel like celebrating getting dumped.” She said as she reached her police vehicle and dumped the files on the passenger seat. At least she had a good excuse.

“Maggie, that's not what I meant.”

“What _do_ you mean?” She slipped out of her jacket, wanting for nothing more than to get in her car, drive away, get back to the precinct and lose herself in paperwork.

“I just thought that we could go and have some fun. Keep each other company.”

 _Have some fun? Keep each other company_? Maggie heart jumped as she realised she really had been wrong about Alex. She turned to face her and tilted her head to one side slightly, curious. “You and me?”

“Yes. Why? Why, what's wrong with that?” Alex lowered her eyebrows slightly, seeming confused

Maggie smiled, relieved. She was so relieved that it wasn’t happening again. “Nothing, I just I think I read you wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn't know you were into girls.”

Alex’s eyes widened. “I'm not.”

“Oh.” Maggie hoped she didn’t sound as disappointed as she felt. She hoped that Alex couldn’t tell that her heart had sunk so far that she wondered how long it would take for her stomach acids to start burning it away. “My bad then.” She said, trying to sound cool about it.

“No. I mean no offense, Maggie.”

“No, I get it. You're not gay.”

“Right.”

“You'd be surprised how many gay women I've heard that from.” _Go have some fun. Keep each other company._ The words played in Maggie’s head again. For a moment she had been so sure. “Sorry. I just thought you were angling towards something.”

“No, I wasn't. I was just trying to I'll let you know when we make some progress.” Alex smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. Then she just turned and left, without a goodbye. Maggie didn’t try to stop her; it would be pointless. She had ruined any chance of them ever being friends. Maybe, she thought, that was for the best,

“You okay Maggie?”

“What?” Maggie asked, the voice of her colleague pulling her out of a daze. “Yeah, yeah.” She shrugged. “I’m okay.” She smiled. “Always am.”

“You’ve been staring into space for half an hour.” Barbara took a sip from her mug, then perched herself on the desk opposite to Maggie’s. “You thinking about a case? Give me details. Maybe a fresh perspective could help.”

Maggie shook her head. “It’s not a case?”

Barbara raised an eyebrow. “No? A girl then? Hey, you’re not still hung up on that ex of yours are you? Sounds to me like you can do better than her.”

Maggie sighed, wishing Barbara wasn’t always so nosey. “Really don’t wanna talk about it.” She picked up a pen, and scribbled some notes on the paperwork that lay before her. “Kinda busy.”

“Come on. We’re not friends outside of work. What you tell me will stay in these four walls.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “Fine. It is a girl. You know when you like someone? So much that just thinking about them makes you smile. And all you want to do is tell everyone how amazing they are?” Maggie sighed, then frowned.”

Barbara nodded. “Yeah, I know that feeling. You don’t seem very happy though. Why?”

“She’s straight. At least she says she is.”

“And by that you mean?”

“I mean, she started saying things that seemed kinda gay. Maybe she is, and just hadn’t realised it yet. At first I assumed she was straight. She didn’t give off any gay vibes, but then.” Maggie shrugged “I don’t know.”

“Sweetie.” Barbara placed her mug down on her desk, then moved over to Maggie and placed one of her aging hands over one of Maggie’s still smooth hands, and gave a gentle, comforting squeeze. “She’s not gay. And you’ve either gotta crush those feelings you have for her, or stay away from her.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t think I can do either. It’s so stupid.” Maggie shook her head. “ I’m stupid. I barely know her. I’m nearly thirty years old. I shouldn’t be having stupid crushes on straight girls.”

Barbara let go of Maggie’s hand. “You’re not stupid. Unfortunately the brain and the heart aren’t always in sync.”

Maggie picked up her pen again, and started to write on her case notes, not wanting to think any longer. “Yeah, and don’t I know it.” She muttered.


	2. Chapter 2

Maggie leant across the pool table, cue in hand, and lined up her shot. Her mind was barely on the game but she was trying, so very hard to keep herself occupied. She couldn’t think about Alex. She couldn’t think about the undeniable chemistry they shared. She couldn’t think about how much she smiled every time she received a text from Alex. She couldn’t think about the fact that Alex had realised she was gay after all. She couldn’t think about any of those things, because she knew that those kind of relationships never worked out. Alex would only leave her, once she found someone better than her, which wasn’t difficult. She couldn’t think about any of those things, but she was thinking about all of them.

She took the shot, and potted the ball that she had been aiming for. She frowned slightly, wondering why she could never play so way when Alex was around. She walked around the table, getting ready to take another shot.

“Hey, Maggie.”

Maggie looked up to see none other than Alex Danvers “Danvers!” She smiled, automatically, as soon as she saw Alex. “Hey, I was hoping you'd turn up.” She said, only at that moment realising that she had indeed been hoping that Alex would be making an appearance. Only because playing pool alone was boring, she told herself. “Any interest in a game?” Maggie gestured towards the pool table.

“Well, actually,” Alex placed her fingers down gently on the pool table, and placed her other hand on one hip, leaning slightly to one side.”I was wondering if you were still good for that drink you promised me.”

“You told Kara?” Maggie asked, a little surprised that Alex had told Kara so soon. She wondered, for a second, if Alex was more sure of herself than she had thought. She wondered if, just for a second, if maybe they could work out. Then she reminded herself that her feelings were unrequited; there was no way Alex felt the same way.

Alex nodded, smiling.

Maggie was glad that it had clearly gone well. “Yeah, you did!” Without thinking about what she was doing, she threw her pool cue down, and wrapped her arms around Alex’s shoulders,pulling her into a hug. Alex returned her hug, much more gently than Maggie would have expected from the tough as nails DEO agent.. “I am so happy for you.” She quickly pulled herself out of the hug. She wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Alex, let alone hugging her. “I'm buying, all night.” Maggie turned away from Alex, starting to walk over to the bar. “What are you having?”

Alex grabbed Maggie’s wrist, stopping her in her tracks. Before Maggie had time to process what was happening, Alex’s hands were cupped around her face. Their lips were touching; kissing. And, for a couple of seconds, Maggie allowed it to happen. For a couple of seconds, she allowed herself to enjoy the sensation. Then, coming to her senses, she pulled away.  
“Wow.” She let out a light breath, overwhelmed.

“I've been wanting to do that.” Alex, sounding relieved, smiled. She looked happier; happier than Maggie had ever seen her in their brief friendship.

 _So have I_ , Maggie thought. “Yeah, I can tell.”

“Was that not okay?” Alex asked, still with a slight smile.

Maggie shook her head slightly. “You didn't do anything wrong.” _No, you did everything perfectly._

“But something's wrong.” Alex was still smiling, albeit a little nervously.

“Well, we're at really different places.” Maggie noticed the smile slip from Alex’s face. She knew that Alex was smart. She knew that Alex had become aware of where she was going. She knew that she was taking away Alex’s happiness. She also knew that in the long run, it was for the best. She knew that she would only end up hurting Alex, if she allowed anything to happen between them. She knew that Alex would only end up hurting her too, like everyone else. “And everything is changing for you. And everything is going to feel really heightened and shiny. And, um, you should experience that for yourself. Not just to be with me. And I shouldn't get involved with someone who's just fresh off the boat. Those relationships never really work out.” Maggie tilted her head to one side as she analysed Alex’s reactions.

“Hmm.” Alex said, acknowledging that she had heard Maggie’s words.

“I'm here for you” Maggie added, not ready to lose Alex from her life. “but as a friend.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Alex nodded.

Maggie could tell that she had hurt Alex. She could tell that she had ruined even the chances of a friendship. But still, she asked “Are we cool?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Maggie asked softly, surprised but also a little relieved.

“Yeah. No, no, we're cool.” Alex spoke quickly; too quickly. Maggie knew they weren’t cool. She knew that she had made a huge mistake, thinking that she could turn Alex down like that and still be her friend. When Alex turned away, she knew that was it. She had ruined everything.

“Alex, don't go.” She said, even though she knew that Alex was never going to stay.

Alex turned back for a brief second. “I’ll see you.”

Maggie watched Alex walk away from her, again, having no one to blame but herself. She placed her fingers to her lips; lips that seconds before had been locked in one of the most amazing kisses she had ever experienced. She wanted to go after Alex. She wanted to grab her arm as Alex had done to her, and pull her into an unexpected kiss. She wanted to tell Alex that what she had done had been so okay. She wanted to tell Alex that she was a fool; that she didn’t know what she was talking about; that Alex should forget everything that she had just said.

Instead, she walked over to the bar, and sat down heavily on a stool. “Hey, Darla. I’ll take one of the strongest shit you have back there. Cos honestly, I kinda don’t wanna remember today.”

Darla laughed, pulled a glass from under the bar and filled it with a double shot of whiskey. She slid the glass towards Maggie. “That kiss didn’t look like something you’d want to forget.”

“Jealous?” Maggie laughed, then picked up the whiskey which she downed. “Shit. The fuck is that?” She screwed her face up as the liquid trickled down her throat, burning. “Are you trying to poison me?”

“Should I get you another?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

“What just happened, anyway?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Want and need are two different things.”

“Alex kissed me, which you saw. And I told her that we’re just friends. She’s fresh off the boat. Those relationships never work out.” Maggie shrugged.

“That’s the biggest pile of crap I ever heard.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You like that girl. You’re just scared that she’ll find someone better.”

“No, it’s not that.”

“I know you. I know how you think. It’s definitely that. But it doesn’t matter anyway. What you just did was a really shitty thing to do. One day you’ll realise what a huge mistake you just made, but it will be too late. A girl like that will find someone else. She’ll have a hard time finding someone better.”

“I know I made a mistake. No need to rub it in.”

“So, get out of here. Go and fix it.”

Maggie shook her head. “No. It’s for the best.”

Darla sighed. “Me and you, we could have been happy together. But you ruined that too. Why are you so afraid of being happy?”

“Why?” Maggie laughed bitterly. “Because whenever I’m happy, life throws more bullshit my way. It’s easier not to be happy in the first place.”

Darla rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ve got other customers to serve. Let me know when you’re done with the melodrama.”

Maggie sighed. She wasn’t being melodramatic. She was just right. Happiness always came at a cost, and since it never lasted anyway, it really wasn’t worth the pain.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken me a while to update. Life is a bit crazy at the moment.
> 
> The next (and final) chapter will be set a few years in the future, so will be all new (but still in Maggie's POV)

Maggie Sawyer wasn’t a worrier. She hated being that person in relationship that was always breathing down the other’s neck, watching their every move. However, she found herself pacing in her lounge, staring at her phone, willing it to ring. She had been trying to get ahold of Alex for a couple of hours, and was beginning to think that something bad had happened. At first Maggie had told herself that everything was fine. She had told herself that Alex was just busy. She reminded herself that Alex did have a life outside of their relationship. She reminded herself that Alex had every right not to respond to every text or call immediately.

Maggie sighed, wondering if Alex was already getting bored of her, then shook her head. She knew it wasn’t that. Alex was just busy, most probably with her sister.

Maggie slipped her phone into her back pocket, and told herself to forget about it, but she continued to pace. Her instincts were telling her that something was wrong. “Fuck this.” She said, as she grabbed up her keys from the glass coffee table, which seemed to be used to hold everything but coffee. She decided that it wasn’t the time to be the chilled out, distant girlfriend that she always tried to be. She decided that she was going to make sure that Alex was okay. She decided that Alex was worth it; that Alex deserved it.

* * *

 

Maggie had no difficulty entering the D.E.O building. Everyone there knew who she was, even if they didn’t know who she was there for. Maggie didn’t really care who knew. She was past caring what other people thought. However, everything was new to Alex. Maggie had decided to allow Alex to decide when to make the big steps, determined for Alex to come out in her own time, on her own terms. Maggie may not have been given that, but she knew that if she could give anything to Alex, it was that.

Maggie felt a sense of relief when her eyes fell upon Alex Danvers. The one person in the world that she cared about was okay. She knew, though, that something wasn’t. Maggie could tell from the tense atmosphere in the D.E.O that something had happened; something that left Alex too busy to answer her calls. Either that or Alex had become bored of her already.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Alex asked, placing a hand on Maggie’s shoulder. Maggie got the distinct feeling that Alex wanted to shove her out of the building with that hand.

“Well, you weren’t returning my calls or my texts. I was worried.” Maggie said bluntly, as though that should have been obvious. It should have been. Alex should have understood that. Maggie wondered if perhaps she had been to cool and distant. She wondered if perhaps Alex had no idea how much she cared about her. She would have to fix that. Then, she reminded herself that just that morning she had been in Alex’s apartment, wearing Alex’s clothes. She realised that she wasn’t doing so well at the cool and distant way she tried to act.

Alex stuttered her next words. “Uh, I - I’ve been busy. I'm sorry.” She placed her hands upon her hips - a sign of power, of assertion.

“Is this a bad time?” Maggie asked, confused. She hoped that Alex would explain more. She wanted Alex to confide in her. Maggie was astute enough to tell by then that it wasn’t anything personal, but she wanted Alex to know that she was there for her, always.

“Yeah, it is” Alex glanced over her shoulder, clearly distracted. “Kind of. Supergirl's missing.”  
“If anyone can find her, it's you.” Maggie reassured Alex, smiling. She didn’t mean to smile, but it was a relief to know why Alex was acting so edgy. Her sister was missing, after all.

“I knew this was gonna happen. I knew it.”

“What are you talking about?” Maggie asked, concerned, as she was unsure what Alex meant.

“I was happy for, like, five minutes.” Alex sounded angry. Maggie got the feeling that the anger was directed at her

“What?” Maggie said, a slight hint of incredulity in her voice.

“I'm sorry. This was a mistake. I'm sorry, you have to go.I'm sorry, I can't”

Maggie took in a sharp intake of breath as Alex told her to go. For a moment, she couldn’t speak. It felt like a physical blow, straight in the gut. She let out the breath, nodding, as she composed herself enough to speak.

“Okay. Got it. See you, Danvers.” Maggie spoke brusquely, then turned her back on Alex and left abruptly. This was not her decision. It was Alex’s. Maggie may have been the one walking away, not wanting to allow Alex to see her cry. Maggie sniffed, wiped at the tears. She didn’t want to cry. If she cried, it made it real.

Physically, Maggie walked away, but metaphorically Alex was the one doing the walking, and Maggie let her. Maggie didn’t stay. She didn’t fight to try and keep Alex. She decided that she would let her go. She decided to let Alex go, because it was Karma. Maggie knew that she had stomped on Alex’s heart so long ago when she turned had her down. Now the world was just giving her what she deserved.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite sad, but does have a promising ending because, to me, Sanvers will always be end game.
> 
> I actually wrote the majority of this before Alex even proposed to Maggie, then some facts were altered after that, such as originally I had Maggie propose to Alex.
> 
> This was also mostly written before we learned that Maggie will have a reduced role in S3. Honestly this new scares me, a lot. Anyway, please do not read this if you're having a hard time with this news. It's not fluffy and happy and I don't want to make anyone already feeling sad about that feel worse.

Maggie Sawyer had always prided herself on her ability to stay calm in the craziest of situations. As a cop, it was necessary. As a human being, it gave people the succinct impression that she just didn't give a crap.

As she held the papers in her hand that threatened to turn her world upside down, she was in no way calm. Anyone that saw her would not have accused her of not giving a crap. She gripped the papers so tightly that her hands shook and her fingertips were white, blanching as the blood was forced out of her capillaries. 

Her teeth were clenched, as she tried not to react. Her chest tight, she struggled to breathe. She wasn't sure whether she was angry, sad or mad. Most probably, she was all three. 

Three breaths. Three deep breaths. Maggie inhaled deeply, as she always did when faced with a scary situation at work. Those three breaths were short enough as not to cause danger through hesitation, yet long enough to allow her to think. They gave her enough time to decide how to act. They gave her enough time to see that maybe thing weren't quite as bad as they seemed. It always worked. Always.

Not that time, though. She still felt as though her heart had been ripped from her chest. She didn't know what to do. If anything, the three breaths made everything seem worse.

Maggie knew she had to do something. She couldn't just stare at the papers forever, willing them to disappear.

Steeling herself, she stood. The papers were still pressed between her fingers. She marched towards her bedroom. The bedroom that she shared with Alex. The bedroom that held her marital bed, literally.

With her free hand, she took a hold of the door handle. She stood for a couple of seconds, as she wondered just what she was going to say, or even if she should say anything at all. Then, she had to say something. She couldn’t very well ignore the fact that her wife had issued her with divorce papers.

Trying not to be angry, trying to understand what the hell had happened, Maggie took a deep breath and swung the door open.

Alex was just stirring, Maggie having left her to have a well deserved lie in. She let out a soft groan and rubbed at her eyes. “Morning.” She said, her voice croaky from having just awoken. “What time is it?” Receiving no response, Alex glanced at the clock she kept on her bedside table. She gasped. “Oh, shit.” She threw the duvet back and scrambled out of bed.

“If you’re worried about catching the post, it’s already been.” Maggie threw the papers down on the bed. She spoke forcefully, her anger clear. “Divorce papers? Really, Alex? We’ve been married for three months.” Maggie shook her head. “I thought we were happy.” Maggie spoke softly, no longer able to use anger to cover up how hurt she was. “I was happy. For the first time ever, I was happy.”

“Maggie,” Alex picked up the paperwork that Maggie had discarded. “These were … I wanted to talk to you about these, before you saw them.”

Maggie didn’t speak. She had no idea what to say. Everything had seemed fine. There had been no huge fight. There had been not even a hint that Alex was having second thoughts about their marriage. Maggie had no idea what was happening; no idea how to stop it. 

“You know what?” I’ll just, um.” Alex voice cracked, tears threatening. “I have to go to work.” Alex rummaged through the wardrobe, pulling out her usual black blouse and trousers. “I’ll stay at Kara’s tonight.”

Maggie nodded slowly, even though her heart had sunk. She knew that it was happening again. She knew that, as always, she wouldn’t put up a fight. She knew, in that moment, that Emily had been right all of those years ago. She didn’t deserve to be happy. “So, that’s it then? We’re over?” Even though Maggie had always known that the happiness that Alex allowed her to feel would be taken away, she still sounded incredulous and confused. She hadn’t expected things to end so suddenly, with no reason. She had expected for Alex to slowly start seeing her for what she really was, just as all of her previous girlfriends had. 

Alex took a deep breath, folded her arms and looked away from Maggie. “I don’t know. Do you want us to be?”

Maggie laughed, unable to quite believe that Alex was the one asking that question. “Really, Alex? You want to file for divorce, and you’re asking me if I want us to be over?”

Alex said nothing. She just looked at Maggie with a pained expression. She seemed torn. It was an expression Maggie had seen many times, when Alex had something she needed to say but was too afraid to say it. “I have to go.” Alex said, then smoothed out her blouse before swiftly leaving the room, not looking at Maggie.

Maggie watched Alex make her exit, then slowly sank down. Sitting on the edge of their bed Maggie sniffled, letting some of the tears she had been holding back in Alex’s presence escape. She quickly wiped the tears away, deciding that over the years she had shed way too many tears over girls. Then, she realised that Alex was worth her tears. The years of happiness were worth the pain. Maggie was going to let Alex leave. She always had when any of her exes had decided to call it quits. She had never fought for any of them to stay. For so long, Maggie had told herself that it was because they weren’t worth it; that she didn’t care about anyone of them enough to give them the satisfaction of being chased. Deep down she had always known that wasn’t the case.

Maggie stood slowly, realising that she couldn’t just let Alex walk away. She had let Alex walk away so many times before, but she couldn’t do it again. People always said the you couldn’t break a heart that was already broken, but that was the trouble - her heart was no longer broken. Maggie heart had been broken by so many people before she met Alex. Her parents broke her heart when they wouldn’t accept who she was. Elisa Wilkey had broken her heart when she turned her down. She had broken her own heart when she had cheated on Emily. Alex had made her heart whole again, with her smiles and kisses and how much she cared. Alex always listened to her, always heard her. Alex had helped Maggie to see that she did deserve to be happy. Alex had made her happy, and now she threatened to walk out of the door, stealing that happiness away.

Maggie let out a sigh of relief when she saw that Alex was still in their apartment, hurriedly picking up her phone and keys.

“Please don’t go.” Maggie said, the words feeling foreign as they left her mouth. “We need to talk about this.”

“Later. I’m already late for -”

“Call in sick.” Maggie said bluntly, as though it should have been obvious to Alex that it was a matter that warranted calling in sick. “You haven’t had the black lung for a while.” Maggie smiled, just for a moment forgetting that the beautiful, perfect woman standing before her no longer wished to be her wife.

Alex smiled back, just a brief flash. It was a brief flash of a smile that made Maggie think that maybe, just maybe, things could be okay. “It was a miracle that I recovered from my last case of the black lung. I don’t think I can get away with that one again.”  
“Then tell them you’re having a case of temporary insanity.” Maggie placed her hands firmly on Alex’s shoulders. “Please tell me you’re having a case of temporary insanity.” She tilted her head to one side. Her eyes were wide as she looked into Alex’s, searching for answers. She knew that Alex would be able to see the tears swimming in her eyes, but she didn’t care. She let go of Alex’s shoulders, her arms dropping to her sides.

Alex shook her head, grimacing. “I can’t tell you that Maggie. I don’t want to lie to you. I,” Alex stopped, clearing her throat. She put a hand up against her forehead, hiding her eyes from Maggie. “I never really wanted to get married.” After an awkward silence Alex let out a deep breath. “I always thought I didn’t want to because I didn’t enjoy men.” Alex narrowed her eyes slightly, seemingly thinking hard about the words she chose. “Because deep down I always new, always, that I was attracted to women. I just didn’t want to accept it. Then I met you, and I still didn’t understand what people saw in marriage. But then I had only just met you. Of course I didn’t want to marry you. Then, I realised that I loved you and I still didn’t care about getting married. I don’t believe in God. Marriage is such a religious thing, I just never saw the point.”

“But, Alex, you proposed to me” Maggie asked in a whisper, shaking her head, confused.

“I know. I know. I was scared. I almost died, when Rick,” Alex stopped and shook her head, not going into details of her abduction. Even though Alex rarely spoke of it, Maggie knew it was something that plagued her nightmares. “Then I saw Kara lose Mon-El. I was so scared of losing you. I panicked. It’s not like I could take it back. It’s what you wanted, and I thought I could do it for you. It doesn’t feel right though. It feels like a lie. I didn’t want to marry you, but,” Alex stopped talking to sniffle, trying to fight back tears, unsuccessfully “I wanted to be with you, forever. I didn’t think marriage would change anything. But I just feel trapped.” Alex laughed through her tears. “Which makes no sense, because I want to be trapped with you.”

Maggie didn’t say anything. She nodded slowly as she took Alex’s words in.

“Please say something.” Alex whispered.

“I didn’t want to get married either. Every girl I was ever with before you walked out on me. They saw me for who I really was, broken and so angry at the world. They decided they didn’t want in. I always knew you would walk away too, one day. Ever since that day Kara went missing, I knew you were a flight risk. But I gave you another chance. It was a tough time for you, I got that. But every time things got hard, I was so scared that you would finally realise that the risk of losing me would be too much. That you would rather leave me than lose me. But I never let that fear make me walk away. Never. I get scared too. So when you proposed, I thought that was it. I thought I didn’t have to be scared anymore. Guess I was wrong there.” Maggie laughed, realising the irony of it all.

“Ride or die.” Alex said softly, almost to herself. No matter how tough things got, no matter how scary they would always stand by each other. They would always ride it out or die trying. “I think we both need time to think about this.”

“You don’t get to walk out on me, Alex. You just don’t. I’m so sick and so tired of just letting people that I love walk out on me. I deserve to be happy. You taught me that. You walk out on me now, and you don’t,” Maggie’s voice shook, her eyes swam with tears as she said the hardest thing she had ever had to say in her life. “You don’t get to come back. Not this time.

“Please, Maggie, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Alex, you do realise that divorce wouldn’t have to be the end, don’t you? Clearly getting married was a bad move. But we both knew that, deep down, didn’t we?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, we did. You don’t hate me, do you? Because, I don’t think I could stand that.”

“I could never. I love you, Alex. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pissed that you didn’t talk to me about this. But I could never hate you.”

Alex managed a smile. “I love you too.” Maggie had heard those words from Alex so many times, but they still made her heart skip a beat. “I just don’t know where we go from here.”

“First, we sign those papers. Marriage,” Maggie shrugged. “It just isn’t for us. And that’s okay. Not being married doesn’t mean we can’t be together. Then, we just take things one day at a time.”

One day at a time sounded good to Maggie. She didn’t want to worry about the future. She didn’t want to worry that one day Alex could walk away, like everyone else. All that mattered was the present, and being happy in it. There was no such thing as happily ever after. Those were stories that people made up to make life easier. However, there was always happiness for a time, and Maggie knew that any happiness she had with Alex was worth the sadness she would feel if and when she lost her. She didn’t mean to lose her that day though. She didn’t mean to lose her for a long, long time.


End file.
